How to Advocate for Your ADHD Child at School - Part 2

Advocate for your ADHD child

What to say when school says “they’re fine here” — and how to get support written down

7. Request reasonable adjustments

Schools have duties around reasonable adjustments for disabled pupils. GOV.UK explains that education providers must make reasonable adjustments so disabled students are not discriminated against, including changes such as extra support or aids where appropriate. External link: GOV.UK disability rights in education

For ADHD children, reasonable adjustments might include:

• written instructions as well as verbal ones

• tasks broken into smaller steps

• reduced copying from the board

• a movement break before writing

• visual checklists

• help recording homework

• seating adjustments

• warning before transitions

• calm space

• check-ins with a trusted adult

• reduced sensory load where possible

• alternative ways to show learning

• support with organisation

• predictable routines

The key is this: adjustments should match the child’s need.

A vague “we will remind them” is often not enough.

Try:

“What reasonable adjustments can be put in place to reduce the barriers my child is experiencing?”

Or:

“Can we agree which adjustments will be used consistently and how we will review their impact?”

Consistency matters.

A strategy used once by a supply teacher during a Tuesday moon cycle is not provision.

8. Ask for things to be written down

This is where many parents lose ground.

A meeting feels positive. Everyone nods. Someone says, “We’ll support them.”

Then nothing changes.

Not because everyone is terrible. Sometimes school is busy. Sometimes communication breaks down. Sometimes the agreed support was never specific enough in the first place.

So ask for the plan in writing.

This might be called:

• SEN Support Plan

• Individual Support Plan

• One Page Profile

• Pupil Passport

• Pastoral Support Plan

• Behaviour Support Plan

• Reasonable Adjustments Plan

The title matters less than the content.

A good plan should include:

• strengths

• needs

• triggers

• early signs of overwhelm

• agreed support

• who is responsible

• how often it happens

• review date

• pupil voice

• parent voice

At the end of the meeting, ask:

“Can we summarise the agreed actions before we finish?”

Then follow up by email:

“Thank you for meeting with me today. My understanding is that we agreed the following…”

This creates a record.

And records matter.

Especially if you later need to request more support, involve outside professionals, or consider an EHCP needs assessment.

What is an EHCP and when should parents apply?

9. Do you need a diagnosis before asking for help?

No. This one's important enough to say plainly.

Schools can support a need before there's a diagnosis. A diagnosis helps explain the pattern, but support shouldn't be frozen while you wait for a letter from a waiting list that seems to run on Victorian plumbing.

If your child is struggling now, you can ask for help now. Try:

"Although my child doesn't currently have a diagnosis, the difficulties are affecting their access to learning and their emotional wellbeing. I'd like support to be based on presenting need."

"Support based on presenting need" is a genuinely useful phrase. Use it. Put it in emails. Bring it to meetings. Say it enough times and even the dog will know it by heart.

10.Why take prepared wording into the meeting?

School meetings have a way of making even the most confident parent lose their footing.

You know exactly what you want to say in the car. Then you sit down, someone says "we don't see that presentation here," and your brain opens seventeen tabs at once and every single one freezes.

This is why prepared wording helps. Not because you can't speak for your child, but because the room is loaded. You're discussing the person you love most with people who may or may not understand what's really going on.

A prepared script can help you:

• explain your concerns clearly

• avoid sounding defensive

• ask for specific support

• challenge "they're fine here" calmly

• request assessments

• ask for actions in writing

• keep the meeting on track

• follow up properly afterwards

A blog post can give you general phrases to borrow. A personalised school meeting script gives you the exact wording for your child's situation, including what to say, what to ask for, and how to push back without burning bridges.

Need help putting your concerns into words?

My personalised school meeting scripts are built for parents who know their child needs support but struggle to say it clearly in the room.

Get a personalised school meeting script

A free script example is available to download, covering a case of ADHD and suspected dyslexia.

What should you do before, during, and after the meeting?

Before the meeting, write down:

• the main concern

• three concrete examples

• what happens at home

• what school may not be seeing

• what your child says about it

• what support you're asking for

• what you want written down

• when you want the plan reviewed

During the meeting, ask:

• "What evidence are we using?"

• "What support will be put in place?"

• "Who will do this?"

• "When will it start?"

• "How will we review whether it's working?"

• "Can this be added to the meeting notes?"

After the meeting, email:

"Thank you for meeting with me. My understanding is that we agreed…"

Then list the actions. Simple. Not easy, but simple.

Are you being "that parent"?

Parents often worry they're being difficult.

Let's be clear about this. Asking for your child's needs to be understood is not being difficult. Asking for support to be written down is not being difficult. Asking for reasonable adjustments is not being difficult. Asking school to look past surface behaviour is not being difficult.

You're not trying to win a fight. You're trying to build a bridge between your child and the adults who teach them. But bridges need structure. They don't hold up on vibes.

So document everything. Ask clearly. Use language that lands. Follow up in writing. Keep coming back to need, support, and review.

And if you need the words ready before the pressure hits, a personalised school meeting script can help you walk in with clarity instead of panic.

(See also: How to Advocate for Your ADHD Child at School: Part 1)

Quick parent checklist before your next school meeting

Before the meeting, write down:

• the main concern

• three examples

• what happens at home

• what school may not be seeing

• what your child says

• what support you are asking for

• what you want written down

• when you want the plan reviewed

During the meeting, ask:

• “What evidence are we using?”

• “What support will be put in place?”

• “Who will do this?”

• “When will it start?”

• “How will we review whether it is working?”

• “Can this be added to the meeting notes?”

After the meeting, email:

“Thank you for meeting with me. My understanding is that we agreed…”

Then list the actions.

Simple.

Not easy. But simple.

Final thought: you are not being difficult

Parents often worry they are being “that parent.”

Let me be clear.

Asking for your child’s needs to be understood is not being difficult.

Asking for support to be written down is not being difficult.

Asking for reasonable adjustments is not being difficult.

Asking school to look beyond surface behaviour is not being difficult.

You are not trying to win a fight.

You are trying to build a bridge between your child and the adults who teach them.

But bridges need structure.

They do not hold up on vibes.

So document. Ask clearly. Use the right language. Follow up in writing. Keep the focus on need, support and review.

And if you need the words ready before the pressure hits, a personalised school meeting script can help you walk in with clarity instead of panic.

How to advocate for your child part 1.

You do not have to wing it.
Order your personalised school meeting script