School Says They're Fine...
Home tells a very different story.
When school says your child is coping, but every afternoon ends in tears, meltdowns or complete exhaustion, it can leave you questioning everything. This page explains why it happens, what schools may not be seeing and how you can help both home and school understand the whole child.
School sees a child who's coping.
You see the tears, the meltdowns, the homework battles and the exhaustion that follows.
If you've ever wondered how both can be true, you're about to discover what many schools unintentionally miss.
↓ Discover what's really happening
Two Stories. One Child.
"If I had a class full of Janines, my life would be bliss."
That was the message my teachers shared with my parents.
At home, the message was very different.
"You're too emotional."
For years, those two versions of me existed side by side.
Today, after more than 34 years working in education, I hear parents telling me the same story.
School sees a child who is polite, engaged and coping.
Home sees the tears, the meltdowns, the homework battles and the complete exhaustion that follows.
If you've ever wondered how both can be true, you're not imagining it.
Neither home nor school is seeing the whole picture.
Let's look beneath the behaviour.
Why This Matters
When parents hear "We don't see that here," it can feel incredibly isolating.
You begin questioning yourself.
Am I expecting too much?
Am I doing something wrong?
Is this just bad parenting?
Should I be stricter?
Kinder?
More consistent?
Less emotional?
Many parents carry that guilt for years.
The reality is that the answer is often far more complex—and far more hopeful—than simply trying harder.
Understanding what happens beneath the behaviour changes everything.
Why Can Home And School Look So Different?
Children don't leave their ADHD, autism or SEND needs at the school gates.
What changes is the environment.
School has routines.
Predictability.
Structure.
Adults directing the day.
Friends watching.
Expectations to meet.
Many children work incredibly hard simply to get through the school day without drawing attention to themselves.
By the time they reach home, there is nothing left in the tank.
Home is where they finally feel safe enough to stop holding everything together.
What looks like "bad behaviour" is often the emotional cost of coping all day.
What School May Be Seeing
A child who:
• follows instructions
• works quietly
• tries their best
• keeps worries inside
• rarely asks for help
• appears to be coping
From a classroom perspective, there may be very little to cause concern.
What You May Be Seeing at Home
By the time your child walks through the front door, it can feel as though all of the effort they put into getting through the school day has finally caught up with them.
The smallest thing can trigger a huge reaction. Homework becomes a battle before it's even started. Choosing what's for dinner feels impossible. A simple request to put their shoes away ends in tears, shouting or complete shutdown.
Some children slam doors. Others retreat to their bedroom and don't want to talk. Some seem angry at everyone, while others simply curl up on the sofa, exhausted and unable to cope with one more demand.
Parents often tell me:
"The second they get home, everything falls apart."
If that sentence feels painfully familiar, you're not imagining it—and you're certainly not alone.
The Missing Piece
School is seeing the child survive the day.
Home is seeing what surviving the day has cost.
Once families understand this, everything begins to make more sense.
Instead of asking,
"What's wrong with my child?"
they begin asking,
"What is my child finding so difficult that this is the only way they can show me?"
That single shift changes conversations, relationships and the support children receive.
Questions Worth Asking
Instead of asking:
"Why are they behaving like this?"
Try asking:
• What happened before this?
• How much emotional effort has today required?
• Are they overwhelmed rather than unwilling?
• Are they communicating something they don't yet have words for?
What happens before break?
Does my child ask for help?
How do they cope with transitions?
Do they mask?
Have you noticed friendships?
Do they appear tired by the afternoon?
Sometimes the answers are far more revealing than the behaviour itself.
What You Can Do Next
If this page feels painfully familiar, you don't have to work it out on your own.
Explore:
• School & SEND Support
Or, if you simply want someone to help you make sense of your own child's story, book a free 30-minute Parent Clarity Call.
Because once you understand what's happening beneath the behaviour, you stop fighting your child—and start understanding them.
“School isn’t getting the best version of your child. Neither are you. School is getting the child who’s trying desperately to hold everything together. Home gets the child who’s finally safe enough to stop.”
“Perhaps school isn’t seeing a different child. Perhaps they’re seeing a child who’s trying so hard to hold everything together that only the people who love them most ever see the cost.”
Free 30-Minute Telephone Call
Giving you time to talk. A quality call of 30 minutes allowing time to share and reflect. Totally free. A calm, no-pressure conversation to help you work out what is going on and what your next step could be.
This is not a sales call. There is no hard pitch, no awkward pressure, and absolutely no “buy this now before midnight” nonsense.
It is a short, supportive call where we can talk through:
what is worrying you most right now
what is happening at home, school or both
whether ADHD, masking, overwhelm or emotional regulation may be part of the picture
what questions to ask school, GP, CAMHS or the assessment team
what support might help next
whether ADHD in Practice is the right fit for you
You can use this call if your child has a diagnosis, is waiting for assessment, or you are just starting to wonder.
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You have to start somewhere.
Book that call, let’s start by talking it through.
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